Death in the "extended" family. Sadness all around.

 

Instead of looking at those yellowed photographs this time, I carried my reminiscences in the form of reading past correspondence.

 

Then I realized:

 

Ms. Clefstad kept writing letters to me for two years. I moved from Winnipeg in the late summer of 1997, and my last penned letter from Ms. Clefstad was dated May 21, 1999! I parted ways with the Norwood folks, having finished grade six, but she was still writing to congratulate me on my science fair triumphs in grade nine!

 

Wow.

 

We've since switched to email and blog-commenting as means of keeping in touch, but that's pretty good for consistency, given that Ms. Clefstad and I met as third-graders.

 

...

 

Dreams are wonderful. Wake up from one. Fall back right into another. Only this time, I don't plan to wake up too soon.

 

...

 

Fête du poutine, tout le monde!

 

...

 

许巍 - 《蓝莲花》

没有什么能够阻挡
你对自由的向往
天马行空的生涯
你的心了无牵挂

穿过幽暗的岁月
也曾感到彷徨
当你低头地瞬间
才发觉脚下的路

心中那自由的世界
如此的清澈高远
盛开着永不凋零
蓝莲花

睡则夜长梦多

醒则彻夜不眠

悔前过之晚矣

忧未来亦无音

 

听许巍    方知

境应随心而转

 

...

 

许巍 - 《光明之门》

 

我经过着生活

还是生活经过我
有时候我糊涂

有时候好像明白

 

是因为有梦想

还是梦想拥有我
有时候的温暖

有时候的苍凉

曾经有个温暖的春天让我难忘
有一道门在我生命里敞开
让我第一次感到欣喜

面对这世界
每当我想要索取
每当我想炫耀
它就消失不见

又是个春天

在这起风下午
回想起昨天

就好像梦一样

 

我曾骄傲的心

初次感到渺小
我学会了祈祷

向这广阔世界

曾经有个温暖的春天让我难忘
有一道门在我生命里敞开
让我第一次感到平静

你飞了

那么仓促
留下一片惶恐
那是我们的无助

 

...

羽·泉 - 《忘·记》

 

忘

还好    在梦里还能陪你聊
寻找    一种温暖我可以依靠

太虚幻的美妙    一瞬间就化掉
太虔诚的祈祷    看似缥缈

 

你要    经过一条河才明了
微笑    在哪个片刻最重要

太残忍的伤害    被时间冲淡了
太沉重的泥沼    忘了就好

生命    只澎湃一次的波涛
爱情    不知放手在哪一秒

白天或是黑夜    繁华或着单调
你留下什么        让我思考又让我寻找

 

记

梦醒了以后就失眠
丢失了以后才留恋
你化作秋雨淋湿我的眼
淋湿我生命的诺言

用悄无声息的诺言
面对最澎湃的考验
你化作春风的无畏的容颜
就是它的鉴证

阳光太遥远    却太耀眼
时光太短暂    明天转眼不见
思念太遥远    又太可怜
回忆她若即若离若隐若现

铭记这心愿    就不会疲倦
逝去的昨天    怀念就在眼前
思念太遥远    想念太可怜
回忆她若即若离若隐若现

生命它是褒是贬是苦是甜

I REALLY don't have senioritis...
...I love being at this university, I want to take more classes, I want to study, I want to read...

 

I REALLY didn't travel on that layup...

...I spent two hours on the court every day while a student at Lisgar and Albany as soon as I got out of school, going over those behind-the-back layups - they are perfect...

 

I REALLY want to go to graduate school...

...I know my transcript is a poor indicator of the kick-ass Ph.D. student and future scholar that is typing this...

 

I REALLY want to go back home every weekend...

...I want to be helping around the house, I want to watch a film with her on Saturday night, go to the library, and so on...

 

I REALLY left her a book as a present this winter...

...I wanted to stay in Xi'an for one more day and meet up, I wanted to call but I lost her Xi'an cell number and I was afraid of the parents...

 

I REALLY am sorry for what happened last spring...

...I left my umbrella at your apartment two weekends ago, I want to go pick it up like it's nothing at all to call you for anything...

 

I REALLY like these two hamsters...

...I want to clean them up, I want to play with them as much as possible, and much is possible...

 

I REALLY miss Canada...

...Tice, Naish, and Ed McCarthy are all on my facebook now, I wept watching the Mighty Ducks the other day...

 

I REALLY did go to D.C. for a semester...

...I had three roommates, I've seen one of them since we got back here, I should have seen all of them and more...

 

I REALLY want to move on...
...if not only for my sake, for Shan's, for my folks, for my friends...

 

...

 

Matchbox Twenty - Downfall

 

I wonder how you sleep
I wonder what you think of me
If I could go back
Would you have ever been with me

I want you to be uneased
I want you to remember
I want you to believe in me
I want you on my side

 

Come on
And lay it down
I've always been with you

Here and now
Give all that's within you

Be my savior
And I'll be your downfall

 

Here we go again
Ashamed of being broken in
We're getting off track
And I want to get you back again

I want you to trouble me
I wanted you to linger
I want you to agree with me
I want so much, so bad

 

Come on
And lay it down
I've always been with you

Here and now
Give all that's within you

Be my savior
And I'll be your downfall

 

You be my savior
Only love can save us now
Love save me now
Only love can save us now
I'll be your downfall
Our love can save us now
Love save me now

Now I'm back on my own
Yeah my feet are heavy, made of stone
And I'll make you go where I go
Well they're here, can I take you home

And I'm coming home, on my back
Kissing me, your lips painted black
I'll be your downfall
Let me be your downfall

...so reiterates Ma Ying-jeou - mayor of Taipei, Chairman of Taiwan's Nationalist Party, and 2008 presidentiall candidate in the hopes of many - over and over, as he sat down with our own T.J. Pempel in Sibley Auditorium.

 

The five rows in the very front, just an arm's reach from the stage on which Ma sat, was filled with professors, Political Science and East Asian Studies graduate students, and reporters. Just as well, for every other inch of breathing space was occupied. Why choose the small, homely engineering auditorium for such a gathering, we wondered, when anyone could have anticipated such overt enthusiasm for a personality as Ma?

 

And such enthusiasm, of course, was obvious in the variety of questions thrown in Ma's direction:

"Mr. Ma, it's my birthday today, could you please sign my notebook?"

 

"Mr. Ma, I have two questions. First, have you heard of the recent report of 60,000 Falun Gong members locked up in a concentration camp near Harbin, and their organs are being sold on the market? And secondly, what is your reaction to this report?"

 

Then the reporter from Southern Weekend tried to be a reporter from Southern Weekend. He challenged Ma to place his political views and personal values in the context of having lived through "an autocracy turned into a democracy..." But the reporter's first challenge turned out to be for himself. He was asked, by Prof. Pempel no less, to restate his lengthy question in Chinese, so it may be more comprehensible.

 

And Ma's response? "Peace, prosperity, democracy, and equitable distribution of wealth..."

 

Prof. Pempel really seemed to enjoy the lively and fruitful dialogue between Ma and the audience. Only fifty minutes into the event, he sugggested that we needed to accomodate the distinguished guest's schedule and have him scooted off to Stanford.

 

Before I had a chance to raise my hand and, in Pempel's words, pitch my own inquisitive softball at the mayor - "Mr. Ma, you've obviously taken note of the large number of Taiwanese and Chinese students in attendance today. What role do you envision for these expatriates, in striving for a peace accord based on your five no's and five do's [other than flock around you with their autograph books, Falun Gong camp facts, and camera flashes?]" (I wasn't really going to include the last part of that question.)

 

But Stanford beckoned. The flashes around the auditorium went off again. Canon, Nikon, and Sony contributing their bit to improving cross-strait relations.

 

I should give Ma some credit though. He did field that Falun Gong question by acknowledging his acceptance of Mt. Zion's omnipresence - "Who cares about religion?" And his Harvard english was impeccable.

 

...

 

DO YOU REALIZE THAT I HAVE WRITTEN, FOR THE FIRST TIME, IN FIRST PERSON?